There's a crisis facing men today and the world has been silent. Till now. That crisis? Beardicide™. It's a far greater threat to facial hair than rogue Amish beard-cutting attacks. In fact, more men get rid of their beards than lose them by girlfriends and trimming accidents combined.
There are many reasons why men suffer from thoughts of Beardicide™, and we're going to remove the stigma and talk to you about the causes and how to prevent the worst.
"Beard itch is driving me ... to BEARDICIDE™."
We feel your pain. I mean we've literally felt your pain. But razors never really scratch or stop a beard itch. That's how this company was born. It's why we created Beard Saver™, to soothe those painful feelings — that dreadful itch. The key to getting past the growing pains is to form a positive habit: apply Beard Saver™ Daily Control Daily Control, the original Beard Oil alternative, and you'll be amazed how your outlook changes to stop your beard from growing.
"You don't understand how rough it is."
We do. More than you know. And not only is Beard Saver™ here to help soften that coarse hair, but it's time to meet your new hero: Wonder Beard. It's formulated to give your spirits — and you beard — a lift. Three minutes in the shower and you'll be soaring. or at least you'll be on your way to a beard that's rejuvenated and noticeably softer. More than that, Wonder Beard will help you to become the hero your beard deserves.
"I can't keep carrying all this around with me. I just want to let it all go."
You're not alone! Everyone who's ever had a beard — even us — has dealt with the same problems. Crumbs, beer foam, tomato soup. Melted peanut butter dripping off hot toast. But let me ask you this: you wash your face, don't you? All it takes is a little Beard Wash to unburden yourself, to feel clean again, and to give your beard a fresh start.
"I just don't feel very good about my beard."
Every beard is one of a kind. Remember that. There's no beard quite like yours, and to deprive the world of another expression of true manliness would be unconscionable. Do not covet thy neighbor's beard, but accept yours. Brush that dirt off your shoulder, brush the flakes out of your beard.
And more than that, nurture it, the way you would anything else you care about. You might not feel great about your car if you never washed it or changed the fluids. So why should you expect your beard to look amazing if you're not keeping it clean and soft with the best Washes, conditioners, and Savers?
"Movember's over. Maybe it's time to let go."
The post-holiday season is the darkest time for facial hair health. But we're to help you brave the winter. Don't give up on your beard! Give it the 1-2-3 punch: wash, condition, and control. Treat it right, and you'll feel better both about yourself and about your beard.
"I feel so overwhelmed. Everything will be simpler once it's over."
That's not you. That's the voice of mega-corporations in your head, trying to sell you on a lie. Put down the razor and listen to reason: it doesn't take a lot to make this relationship work. A few minutes in the shower, a few more admiring that miracle on your face in the mirror.
Razors are for legs, my friend. Razors are for legs. Say it with me: razors are for legs. For your beard? We have a lot in store to help with your beard.
Don't shave it. Maintain it.