Independence Day is fast approaching, so we thought we’d take a look at some of the founding fathers and what facial hair they might have had if beards had been in in 1776. They run the gamut of great beards of history.
Here Alexander Hamilton, the father of American banking and the architect of Washington’s economic policy, looks more like the bass player in a prog rock band with long sideburns and a thick soul patch. He’s just missing a pair of tinted glasses. He’d probably want you to call him Zander or Hambone or something and talk a lot about being in the groove.
Benjamin Franklin is rocking a full, natural beard, which seems appropriate for a scientist, scholar, and inventor who’d probably want to spend more time making things than scraping razors against his face. But come on, Ben. Who are you kidding? You should be totally gray by now.
George Washingon is still recognizable and looking a bit professorial in a trim beard. Imagine how much less often your mother would have complained about your beard if she’d grown up learning about a bearded Washington. “I can not tell a lie, but I can grow a beard.” My beard is as American as apple pie, ma!
John Adams plays against type with a sort of Doc Holiday western-inspired look. But he ends up looking more like that guy who lives in your uncle’s basement for some reason and has a ridiculously large collection of classic rock records on vinyl. He pretends he’s shy, but he’s really dying to corner you at the barbecue and impress you with how much he knows about Moby Grape.
John Jay, the first Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, looks like an old monk with his long, well-combed beard. He secretly wants to form it into a French fork but he’s a little too insecure. What will the other founding fathers think? You’re the Chief Justice! You can do what you want. Like that time William Rehnquist had gold stripes sewn onto his robes because he thought it looked cool in a Gilbert & Sullivan musical.
Here’s Sam Adams with the kind of broad goatee that’s practically a reverse mutton chop. It’s a look that suits a guy who could say badass stuff like this, addressing people who might not support independence from the UK: “Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains sit lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen.” Oh, snap!
Thomas Paine just looks dashing in a classic handlebar, like a character from a picaresque adventure novel or swashbuckling film from the silent era. Your great grandmother would have had a crush on him. Come to think of it, he has a little bit of a Lando Calrissian vibe here.
Speaking of founding fathers, we founded this business in 2005, before the other guys were old enough to grow beards. We specialize in high quality, natural beard care accessories that will tame the wildest and most unruly facial hair growths. We take pride in our products and use them ourselves. Follow us on Twitter at @BluebeardsUSA or check out the Bluebeards Original Facebook page for more beard grooming ideas and advice. And check out the Beard Shop while you’re here.
Filed under: Beards in History