You’ve got to hand it to ol’ Jack Skellington. Everyone knows that bones are genetically incapable of growing facial hair (as they have no faces), but he new how important the beard was to the character, so he made sure to keep the magic for the kids and wear a false beard. We sympathize, Jack. It must be rough to be consigned to beardlessness forever.
Everyone’s favorite bad Santa, Billy Bob Thornton, may have worn a false beard but he had that stubble going and you can tell he’d grow a killer beard if he wanted to. Now maybe his sour disposition could’ve been alleviated with a little Beard Saver, the beard oil alternative.
While this Santa bears a striking resemblance to John Travolta, it’s ex-pro wrestler Goldberg playing Santa with a twist: he’s a demon who only brought gifts to children because he lost a bet to an angel. Now that’s one truly bad Santa who could really use a good beard brush.
Ed Asner’s beard in Elf may have been fake, but it was pretty darned good, and he really look like the real deal. No throne of lies for this Santa. You know a Santa this authentic is going to be all about the Triple Mint Trio, with real peppermint oil.
The ultimate Santa, of course, is the one who conquered the Martians. Okay, maybe it’s a bad movie, but it’s a cool concept and a great episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.